I have indeed. been engaged in that never ending battle; to allow my abuse to destroy my soul, or to continue to fight on to save it. When you have lived in the utter blackness of child sexual abuse, you lose your soul. There is no question, I did. And while you may say you can't lose your soul unless you are dead, you can, because as a child upon whom the most deviant acts are being performed, you die inside or you die emotionally and physically because it is too much to bear.